The Kids Are Not Alright

Status: So, I've updated my formspring to which is you can ask me anything or any idea on this dead blog of mine.
Song: Thiskidsnotalright by Awolnation. (Um. Not suitable song for kids.)

If you've gotten to know me, you might know that I am not the biggest 'LET'S HAVE 10 KIDS :D :D' fan.

I shuddered inwardly at this mere of thought.

One of the people I avoided from socializing the most is probably pregnant women. Pregnant woman scares the shit out of me. They're hormonally imbalance and huge.

I don't even find babies cute. I don't melt into puddle and go 'AWW' like most of my girlfriends.

Something is obviously wrong with me.

Few months ago, Astro had this 'free channels for all' promotion. One of the channels happened to be for expecting mothers.

Which is currently my least favourite channel on tv after Golf Channel.

My mom, the woman who talked about how a doctor insert IUD in your vagina while you were having a sandwich, loves the channel.

She walked into my room one day, plopped on my bed and started watching the horrible channel.

It features women giving birth of different methods.

My mom was like, "Ahh. I miss those days."

I was like, "What the fudge mother. No. Stop talking."

I am forever grateful that this channel only lasted for a week.

I don't know how other girls do it. How they were like, "I want to have 5 children because I love children so much."

You don't know that, WOMEN.
Unless you met the 3 naughtiest Musketeers.
They may be cute-ish but that's all bullshit. 

The 3 Musketeers are my cousins, Adam, Haris and Airis.

These 3 kids who seemed a bit cute when they were babies are (I'm not kidding) the offsprings of The Joker. It's like their purpose everyday is to annoy and cause mischief.

Last semester break, Haris and Airis plotted a freaking attack on me.

I was just minding my own business by watching Fight Club on my phone when they suddenly yelled, "ATTACK!!!"

They jumped on me and pulled my hair.
They also started a full body search on me for my iPod.

They also climbed on top of me and tried to push me off the sofa which they did successfully.
They then laughed maniacally while staring down on me with iPod in their hands.

I had to tickled them to the ground to protect my sacred iPod from being contaminated with their sticky hands.

I had a full on shocked mode. I, 20 years old, just got tackled down by a 6 years old and a 4 years old.

What the fuck.

All of these well-planned attacks was just for my iPod.

What the fuck.

Of course, later while I was having my dinner, one of the three got out of bathroom and 'flashed' me.

Which actually is a good thing. I was so used to this behaviour that when a naked man terrorized my dorm during matriculation days, I didn't run off screaming like other girls. Of course, my friends thought I watched porn over my lack of reaction.

Sometimes, I wondered how I even studied during SPM with these kids around me, screaming and crying.

Surprisingly, my sister is much better at handling kids than I am. I mean, I might get all the A's in exams but my sister gets all the A's in handling children.

Sara is considered their bestfriend. They adore her. That or the fact that Sara does their kindergarten level homework for them.

Whenever those 3 little monsters wanted to play robots and dolls with me, naturally, I just stared at them until they go away.

However, Sara is like "YAY."

They are even speaking the same language and are laughing at her jokes. To me, they're all gibberish nonsense coming from those kids' mouth.

They always get excited seeing her. I bet they missed her presence now that Sara is in UM.

After years seeing them grow from babies to the little monsters they've become, you sort of get attached to them.

Even when they are terrorizing me with lego, Transformers robots, Barbie dolls or pillows, I do find them a tiny bit endearing.

I still remember during my high school holiday where Sara, Akim and me were trying to play PSP but Adam kept wanting to play with us.

He was doing mischievous things at me and I was like, "WEH. INSAF KAN DIA."

Thus, the Insafkan Adam challenge were made where each of us will try to be as scary and angry at him until he stopped bothering us so we could continue play PES/Manhunt.  Somehow, he always end up laughing at us.

Until Akim or Sara threw his toy at the floor and made him cry. That totally did 'INSAFKAN DIA.'

Those were the days. 

Now, the kids had their own PS3 and beat me in Call Of Duty.
Haris, the little shit even killed me many times although I'm his friggin teammate. That's how bad I am apparently.

So, to sooth my ego, I asked Akim to replace me and beat the shit out of Haris in that game.

See how mature I am.

I love kids.
I do want 10 kids.
I do want to rip my vagina open.
I do love listening to them crying their hearts out.
I do want to lose my beauty sleep for the next 7-9 years.
I do want to potty train each one of them so they wouldn't poop in their pants.

Gee, how fun is that?

Like. Pfft. Who wouldn't want that?