Of The Flaw In Me

Status: I WAS LOST TILL I FOUND YOU.
Song: I Found You by The Wanted.
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This is not a depressing post. I think we have had too many depressing feelings lately. So, I'm going to procrastinate the real post ( THE MOTHERFUCKING GOSSIP GIRL POST) I'm supposed to do and write this post instead.

This post came up while I was showering 5 minutes ago which is also most of where I get the ideas to blog.

I recently (by recent I meant, 3 months ago) subscribed to this 'vlogger' (who is not The Stranger On The Internet) who I found out is the man I wanna listen to him ramble all day.

WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT I DID TODAY. TODAY IS A VERY UNPRODUCTIVE DAY.
THE ONLY PRODUCTIVE THING I DID WAS LEARNING HOW TO COOK FRENCH FRIES.

By learning how to cook french fries, I learned how to deep fry food.

For the next few weeks, I'm going to deep fry everything.

Anyway, I was watching my new favorite YouTube person, Danisnotonfire for like hours upon hours, I'm pretty sure I watched the same video 3 times today. He seems like a dorky, awkward and good-looking person that I wanna spend my whole Sunday looking at.

I just had to make this post.

The thing I like about Dan (OMG we're on the first name basis now) is he's someone I know I can be friends with in real life. He's not awesomely funny like JennaMarbles or NigaHiga but he's something else.

I just want to write up on my flaw just because of this guy.

I am not a people person. I'm the least people person.
I don't like people that much. I don't even know why I'm in the career of saving people lives when I'm not fond of people that much. Shit.

Prime example is My One Rule On Facebook, NEVER ADD PEOPLE ON FACEBOOK UNLESS SOMEONE ASKED YOU TO.

This week, I was logging into my Facebook account when one of my friends saw the NEVERENDING list of People I May Know.

My friend: You didn't add him?
Me: Uhh...

It was really awkward because the guy was sitting beside me and I'm just like, "FUCK."

Me: Of course I will add him. *clicks the add button*
Friend: That person too.
Me: Ohh.. okay then. Before that, I need to do something mildly important. *runs off*

When I came back, I had 10 notifications where a group of people I do know in real life accepted my 'supposedly' friend request.

Me: Did you just add all of the people on the list?
My friend: Yes?
Me: At least all of them is our classmates right?
Friend: *laughs* Maybe.

Today, I had 3 seniors accepting my friend request. I feel like I have to delete my Facebook now.

Why do I even have Facebook if I have no intention of interacting with this people online? 
It's the Question I ask every time I add someone.

Now, everyone is going to see all the stupid statuses I'm posting monthly.


Besides that, I'm awkward. You don't get it. None of you will be awkward as me. I have not met people who is as awkward as me.

Even the clothes I wear look awkward on me.
I danced awkwardly. Don't get me on singing. It  rains whenever I sing.
I don't even do sports because awkward and sports doesn't go together.
I'm one of the 3 person who failed to get scholarship and I'm studying in the supposedly no 1 university in my country. That's how awkward I am.


So, whenever people goes on 'That awkward moment..' I feel like shouting, "Try TO BE ME INSTEAD ASSHATS!"


I also fail at my social life. I have zero social life. I don't go out with my friends like normal teenagers do.
I never had a boyfriend and I'm 19. I'm sure most of you already had at least 3 exes by 18, assuming your romantic woes tweets and statuses I saw on my timeline.

I never had a bestfriend. I don't have anyone but this blog to share my nonexistent boys woes.

I'm a loner. I am a natural born loner. It's in my genes. It's not like I want to become a loner.

It's something you woke up to in the middle of the night and asked yourself, "When did I grow up to be this socially inept? The heck is wrong with me?"

Then you told yourself, "Maybe next year, you will be up to the standard social norm."

I'm going to be 20 next year and I'm not even halfway to the social norm.
At this rate, I'm going to die alone with all the stray cats I picked up from the streets.

At some point, I should probably feel like my life is a failure and I don't deserved to be alive.
But you know what?

I did feel like that sometimes, but sometimes you look at the small things and you think, 'Nah, I'll think I want to live at least until this episode ends.'

By episode, I meant Supernatural. That small tv show. I don't know what I'm going to do with my life after this show ends.

We'll get to that bridge when we have to cross it..

And I'm going to leave this awesome quote I found on Tumblr for all the loners out there because it is something I felt very connected to.

"Let me tell you this. If you meet a loner, no matter what they tell you, it's not because they enjoy solitude. It's because they have tried to blend into the world before, and people continue to disappoint them." 

Aw. Crap. This is not a depressing post.

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